Our female kitten is acting very rude, should we return her for a male?

Question

We bought a kitten back in January, but my fiance was getting pissed off because the kitten wasn't giving her ANY attention and would completely ignore her. So what we did is that we got another cat which happens to be a 3 year old female, and ever since we got her, our kitten got really pissed off at us. What she does now is ignore both of us, gives us dirty looks, doesn't let us hold her, bites us when we try to hold her, the list goes on. To be blunt, she's acting like a *****.

We're really close to returning her because she's pissing us off and isn't respecting us or giving us any attention. We're thinking we should replace her for a male because she's jealous of the other female cat. What do you think? We did not bring a cat in here to feed and give shelter in order for it to **** all over us and treat us like dirt.

Answer 1

LOL! You want a cat to "respect" you? You should have gotten a dog if you expect an animal to be subservient to you.



Personally I don't think you should have ANY pets. You just don't sound like caring, loving people worthy of pet ownership.

Answer 2

The younger the kitten, the better the chance for a new home. Since you seem to have unrealistic expectations, and also don't seem to understand how you can train a kitten to not bite, etc. give her a new chance with a new home.



I can find nothing in the Cat Manual that states a kitten is supposed to be affectionate to all around them. So your idea that simply getting a male kitten will bring about the change you want may be unrealistic. What seems to have failed is how you did the introduction of the new cat.



If you want obedience, respect and attention, that comes in the form of a DOG.

Answer 3

Hello,



Please forgive me if this sounds rude, there is no offense meant, but from the tone of your letter, I have to say you sound much more like "dog people" to me.



Gender, by the way has been proven NOT to have any influence on whether or not a cat is friendly. Different breeds have different personality traits and some are more gregarious than others, but this sounds like it goes deeper than gender or breed.



I'm never one to advocate abandoning a cat just for mild behavioral issues, but you sound like this is REALLY a problem for you and your fiance. Cats are often aloof, especially when they sense your anger.



Your feelings toward her "We did not bring a cat in here to feed and give shelter in order for it to **** all over us and treat us like dirt." is probably having a negative influence in addition to now having to get along with another strange cat.



You must realize that several truths exist:

A) Your cat may need more alone time than you are willing to give, and yes, they will ignore you a lot sometimes.

B) Some cats never like to be held, and never will.

C) Cats aren't too big on showing gratitude for feed and shelter (or anything else for that matter).

D) If you try to force a cat to do something it does not want to do (being held for instance), you are likely going to get bitten and/or clawed. How else can it tell you"No!" ?





If you cannot accept your cat on these term, perhaps you honestly should consider giving the cat/cats back to where you got them, or to someone else with more experience with cats, and maybe have a look at dogs. Dogs will give you the respect, love and apparently gratitude you require.



Best Wishes,

Raven, The Cat Lady

Answer 4

Cats all have different personalities just like humans. Obviously, your cat is experiencing some jealousy because there's another cat in your lives and she's lashing out to get attention. You don't just return a cat because you don't like how its behaving. This situation often happens with kids, when a second kid is brought into the family the first kid tends to get a little jealous and as a result lashes out. My cat was a very aggressive cat when he was a kitten for no apparent reason sometimes it just depends on the breed. Your cat should grow out of it, and if not try seeking a cat trainer.

Answer 5

Sounds like you wanted a dog and not a cat.

Cats are individuals and they are not silly tail wagging loves everyone

the way dogs are. One moment your cat can be very loving and the next

not want to be bothered. You have to understand as a cat owner cats own you

not the other way around. Do you live with your finacé? Chances are your kitten views her

as the other woman, and now you brought another female cat into this?

Your poor kitty is jealous! I assume she has not been spayed, but this will help her

when it is done. You need to talk to your vet, the two cats probably weren't introduced properly

and your by your finacé demanding attention from the cat she is actually alienating the cat from her.

How can you consider giving up your poor kitty? The last thing you need to do is get another cat.

Answer 6

Ok first off cats are cats some like attention some dont if you are considering finding her a new home make sure its a good one if you want to try and work things out with her seperate the two for about an hour a day and just try to play with her and give her treats and within a few days try to bring the other cat in on the fun work with her and see if she will work for you im a firm beliver if an animal does not fit in at your home there is another home for her that she may get along better with good luck!!!

Answer 7

i mean come on now, people bring offspring into the world everyday and im sure more often than cats a baby will require and legally demamd to be feed and for shelter and it will probably treat you worse then a stuck up cat and it will treat you like dirt because thats what kids do.



because thats what they are and anyoone who wants to clone dirt that will treat its makers like what they are for what it is and thats a dirty form of dirt lower than dirt called human being. human being a worthless dick like humans all are.



you should return her while you still can because it would probably be happy in nother home, but if your talking about the pound then i would recomiend it be a yard kitty that you feed and treat with not so much expectation for affection, some cats are just like taht you shold be glad the other new kitty isnt bitchy. give it outdorrs shelter its an animal it doenst want you or need you for anything that food anyway so just ignore it and feed it outside if thats what it wantsif you can return it to a person who has other kittens so it can find a better home thjatwould be ideal. but if its to the pound i say you just put it outside or ignore it.if you did not bring a cat in there to feed and give shelter, then take the thing it doesnt really demand and put out doors

Answer 8

Don't give up, and swapping your kitten for a nicer one is not a good solution. Just take them to obedience classes, or some kind of pet discipline class. You can find them in a yellow pages book, or google if you don't have one. Getting a new cat can cause anxiety, and eventually lead to more violence or fleeing.



Also, buying a new pet (or putting one down, giving it away) is like throwing your children away when they are sick, spoiled, dumb, or even antisocial. Give it some time.



I hope my information has helped, and have a great time looking after your caring for your kitten!

Answer 9

So you have abusing a kitten you "bought" four months ago.I assume you adopt groceries and cd's.



I adopt pets and volunteer in animal rescue because I want to make the animal's life better.By returning the kitten to the rescue group you will make her life better by insuring she will be adopted to a loving home.



Each cat or kitten I pick up and hold,I thank them for making my life better.



Now give up that kitten immediately.You and your fiancee sound like you two are selfish and should not even adopt a stuffed animal.

Answer 10

Maybe it's a way the cat want's to be treated. Don't return her. This is what i did for my cat.Put out all her toys and try to give them to her whatever she ignores she doesn't like and whatever she plays with get her more stuff like that.And if she uses the bathrom anywhere besides her litter box give a little hit on the head and she'll notice that thats not good.

Answer 11

Take all of your cats back and never get another. You and your fiance clearly have no concept of what a cat is all about. You EARN a cat's trust and THEN it gives you attention. Trying to force a cat to love you is useless and frustrating for everyone involved.

Answer 12

Cats are very independant. Some cats LOVE and crave attention from humans, while others just want to be left alone and will come to you for attention when they want it.



The kitten does sound to be jealous, and bringing in another cat as a remedy to her not being cuddly enough with your fiance was probably not the best idea. Bringing in another cat will definitely not make her want more attention or make her want to be cuddly.



Here are a few pieces of advice/ info I can offer.



1. Give it time for the kitten and the new cat to get used to each other. It can take weeks for them to even tolerate each other. They wont get along right away, but I would guess that if given time they will become friendly with each other. I am guessing that the kitten probably is scared or intimidated by this older cat in addition to being jealous and she is probably on edge.



2. The more you try and force a cat to sit with you, cuddle with you, and give you attention, the less they will want to. I guarantee it. I would suggest that your fiance ignore the cat and wait for it to come to her. Cats dont like to be forced to do anything and the more you try the further you are driving it away. I read somewhere a while back that cats seem to gravitate to people who dont really like cats and I have always noticed that with my kittens. I have a friend who doesnt like cats and they seem to gravitate towards her and come to her for love. The reason for this is because people who love cats seem to watch the cat more, stare at them, talk to them, try and get them to pay attention to them, etc., as where someone who doesnt like cats doesnt bother them and leaves them alone - so they dont feel as threatened by them.



3. Dont ever expect a cat to "respect" you. Cats expect to BE respected, not give respect lol it's just how they are. If you want unconditional love and respect, a dog would be a better choice.



4. usually after getting a cat fixed they seem to calm down and be more mellow. Also, with age, she will possibly get more cuddly. I have a 3 year old cat that was never cuddly even as a kitten, and now she is much more cuddly. But, she comes to us when she wants attention, and if we try and force her she fights it and gets mad. The older she gets the more she comes to us for attention and love. Some cats though will just never be the cuddly type.



Cats (or any other animal) are not things you can just toss aside when they dont act exactly how you want them to, and it's really not fair to the cat that you would bring her home, let her get attached to you and comfortable in her home and then just return her or give her away. If you had adopted a child, would you return them if they didnt have the exact personality you wanted them to have? I know that sounds like a drastic comparison, but it really isnt fair to the animal. If you end up deciding to find her a new home, I hope you will make sure it is with a loving person who will give her a lifelong home, and do it soon before she gets even more attached to you and your home.



lastly, please dont think that a male cat will be different just because it's a male. I have four cats and the one that is the LEAST cuddly is the male. he also occasionally likes to show his dominance by picking on my girl cat. Also keep in mind that male cats will sometimes spray to mark their territory, so if you get one, make sure to get him nuetered as soon as possible. Most of the time if you neuter the male cat before it reaches its sexual maturity, this will keep them from picking up the habit. A lot of times male cats tend to be more cuddly, but not always. You just never know what you are going to get. If getting another kitten, get one that has been regularly handled and seems to like to be held, etc. from the beginning. That wont guarantee it will love your fiance or love to be cuddled, but it helps if they were regularly handled as babies, opposed to a feral kitten who hasnt been handled a lot. If choosing between several kittens, sit down for a while and choose the one that comes to you, the one that lets you hold it without immediately wanting to get down, and one that seems comfortable being carried around and handled.



Good luck.

Answer 13

animals are not property, they demand respect and affection much like humans do.. but humans may not have been this cats friend it's entire life...you'll have to show her/him that you arent like the other humans... and it sounds like your failing at that.. respect is not just given freely, you should know that, your human...it is earned...in time and merit..



having another animal around after being alone in a cage 24/7 is diffrent for them..even if they had neighbors, those kitties were probably not nice either.. this will also reflect in her behavior towards the other cat.. they do not get time to socialize or play when they are in shelters... and this doesnt help them at all when needing to be placed in a home..



If you expect an animal that has possibly been through hell, abused, and then locked up for no reason at all to be nice.. then you have another thing coming... returning her to a shelter would be a mistake, and only make her behavior worse... they may even put her down..getting a diffrent cat could just be a replay of the last cat.. shelters often do not work with the animals.. and this is a direct result of their failure to socialize and rehabilitate these animals.. you will have to do this yourself, it will be trial and error.. if your not willing to do this then don't bring home any more animals...and consider surrendering your current animal.. maybe you shouldn't be taking care of any animals if this is how you think things should be.. instant love and affection...all the time, with no independance or free will.. your trying to smother a cat that hasnt had any affection for months or years..if ever...in time they will appreciate your affection, but you can't force this thought into their head..they have to come to that realization on their own..



try separateing them in diffrent rooms.. put something of yours in the room that you don't mind getting tore up or pissed on etc.. this will act as something they can get familiar with.. if they don't warm up to that don't get discouraged.. this takes a bit of time and patience.. work with them alone, and then bring them together in the same room, not the same space.. if one gets madd at the other, scould both of them.. treat them both the same.. one can not be percieved to be speacial or privlaged more then the other.. treat them as equals and they will begin to treat each other as equals too..



if your in a bad mood they will pick up on this, and return it right back to you..

you must be calm and slow when you approach them. if they bare teeth or hiss.. give them their space... do not force it, or it will get worse..



let them come to you..



scents are also strong triggers, if there is a litter box that the other cat uses in the same room.. this could trigger hostilities.. if you use purfumes or axe.. don't use them around your cats.. this can trigger un-predictable behaviours... my male cat becomes extreamly arroused around axe-like products.. and then other times he becomes aggressive.. same for the females.. don't try to pet your animals when you've spayed yourself with purfumes.. unless they have become familiar with these scents.. animal urine is sometimes an ingrediant in some of these products...which triggers a defenseive, fight or flight instinct.. that will need to be trained out if you want to continue to use those products..



if she doesnt have her own litter box.. she'll be mad about that too... any cat would.. you would be too if you walked in on an unflushed toilet....and had to use it anyway...



keep asking for help and advice.. having other people closely supervised, working with you and your animal, will help them become socialized and friendly towards you and other humans.. Do everything you can to not get mad at her, do not hit her, do not swing at her or threaten her.. she's not stupid, and likely knows what your saying to her or behind her back.. if she doesnt start coming around.. find another home for her.. do not take them back to the shelter.. they have proven to not be careing for her properly.. and they already have too many animals.. and it will not help improve her behavior..

Answer 14

Maybe she doesn't like the other cat. Plus be patient. If you are sweet and take baby steps she will become more open. Pffft animals arent like a t-shirt. Deciding you don't like it then taking it back. Don't you love her at all?

Answer 15

That's kinda mean just try and play with her and maybe spend like 10-5 min, with her a day ( if you can) Ok?

Answer 16

No its nothing ridiculous but if it is really bothering you, you should take her to the vet but to swap her after 4 months is a bit extreme, she's already adapted to you all.

Answer 17

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